If you’re looking to get frisky, we’ve got you covered with some saucy approaches to seduction and an important conversation (right at the end) that will help you to better understand your own needs and your lover’s.
Try these on for size tonight!
- Send a sexy voice note
If your lover is an auditory learner, they’re likely an auditory lover as well. They likely feel soothed, engaged, and turned on by the sound of your voice depending on the content, tone, and context of your message. Send them a few sexy voice notes using different tones and volumes. You may even want to obscure your voice a little to keep them guessing.
- Hide sexy notes throughout your home
Grab a few sticky notes and get dirty (or romantic, depending on your mood). Let them know what you’ve been dreaming or fantasising about. Pay them sexual compliments. Tease them with a few words to describe what you’d like to try and hide the notes in a place that you know they’ll visit right before bed (e.g. by their toothbrush).
- Play Strip-Word
Pick a “strip” word or phrase (e.g. Yes or Please) and remove one article of clothing every time you hear it. You can undress yourself slowly and sensually, get goofy if that’s more your style, or undress one another one item at a time each time your strip word is uttered.
- Peep on them (with permission)
Knock on the door while they’re in the shower and ask if you can join them. Look them up and down like a piece of meat and convey your desire with your eyes. Lower the lights and climb in to lather them up or let them know you’ll be waiting in bed and can’t wait to feel their naked body next to yours.
- Set the mood with music
Music can shift your mood and listening to loud music is positively correlated with having more sex. The contagion hypothesis suggests that we mimic what we hear in our environment, so pick your music based on the mood you’re looking to create. Does your lover find themselves feeling frisky when they feel relaxed and at ease, or does feeling powerful help get them in the mood? For the former, you might select songs with soothing melodies and for the latter, music with heavy base. Get creative and curate seduction playlists that you can use to signal to your lover that you’re in the mood for sexual connection.
- Use toys to start your engine
If you’re not spontaneously in the mood for sex, use toys to get your body aroused and your mind is likely to follow. If you’re new to toys, consider checking out a small bullet vibe, a simple stroker, or a pleasure-air toy for the clitoris. Research reveals that vibrator use (as well as lube use!) is positively correlated with desire, lubrication, orgasm, lower levels of pain, and overall sexual satisfaction.
- Blindfold them and give them a sensual massage
Tell them to lie back and enjoy the ride. Let them know you want to cater to their every need so all they have to do is lie there and take it. Touch gently with your fingertips (perhaps add a few drops of Astroglide O Oil) from head to toe. Move more slowly and sensually than you ever have in the past. Use your breath over the wet spots if you’re using lube or massage oil and integrate your lips, tongue, and other body parts into the mix. Breathe deeply and loudly to encourage them to do the same and shower them in compliments as you explore every square inch of their body.
- Use your props to let them know you’re in the mood.
Hang lingerie, leather, latex, a harness, or other sexy wares on the back of the bathroom door while they’re in the bath or shower. Add a note letting them know you’re waiting in the next room and simply aching to see them wearing or using the prop.
- Sex a text from the next room.
I’ve been thinking of you all day. Join me in the bedroom?
Then leave a trail of your favourite sex props (lube, toys, etc.) leading to your bed or wherever they might find you.
- Sext them photos or videos of other people — with consent.
Search for erotic photos or videos and send them a few links, GIFs, or clips during the day. Of course, you send photos of yourself, but expanding your visual diet beyond your dyad can open up new conversations, fantasies, and sexual explorations.
And finally, if you want to better understand how to seduce your lover, try this mini version of the Seduction Interview. You can answer one question at a time over the course of several months or sit down over a tea or cocktail and work through the entire lot.
- What are the best and worst times to initiate sexual contact?
- Is there a scene from a show/movie that can help me to better understand how you want to be seduced?
- Are there any scenes that turn you off? Can you explain why?
- What words and phrases help get you in the mood for sex?
- What types of touch do you prefer during the early seduction phase? For example, do you like more platonic touches, gentle touch, or a slow build toward your hot spots?
- What types of touch should I avoid?
- What parts of your body crave attention and how can I best give it to you?
- How do you need to feel in order to get in the mood for sex?
- Are there any cues I can look for that might indicate you are open to being seduced?
Talking about seduction isn’t a one-time conversation, so use these questions as prompts and stay curious as you continue to learn about one another’s seduction styles.