Can't go wrong.
“Slow down, be present, and experience.” That may be how your last wine tasting started, but the somm’s advice applies to anal masturbation too: Slow down, be present, and experience. That, and use lube...lots and lots of lube.
So, whether you’re new to anal fun or the Lewis and Clark of back-door adventures, read on for expert tips to help you make the most of your solo sesh
1. Keep things clean.
First things first, wash your hands. “You need to take measures to keep your anus clean," says Ashley Harris, sex educator and relationship coach for BeyondAges.com. "It has its own delicate microbial balance that you don’t want to upset and cause an infection." Ditto for washing toys, but more on those later—promise.
2. Set a sexy backdrop.
A relaxing environment makes a real difference in your experience. “Take a warm bath, light a scented candle, or masturbate your genitals,” says Harris. “This will relax your muscles around the anus and make it easier to arouse yourself.”
3. Use plenty of lube.
As with anal sex, you’ll want to keep lube handy when it comes to anal solo pleasure. “An anus doesn’t supply its own lube, like a vagina," says Mike Anderson, PhD, residential sex expert for OhMy.ca. "Extra help in that department isn’t just recommended, it’s necessary." Use water-based or silicone-based lube, but steer clear of oil-based versions.
4. Then, lube up some more.
Again, your anus won’t secrete natural moisture when you’re turned on. Since you can’t self-lubricate down there, you’ll likely need to take a time out mid-session to grab the lube...again. “The difference between enough lube and needing just a bit more can be tremendous,” says Harris.
For easy access, keep the container next to wherever you set up shop. Nothing worse than running into the other room with icky fingers to open, say, your nightstand drawer or bathroom vanity to grab more lube.
5. Go slowly.
Sloooooow down in the anal arena, ladies. “The anus needs a lot of patience in order to feel good," says Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach, and SKYN Condoms sex and intimacy expert. "This means you should start with fingers or very small anal-approved toys around the opening of the anus to assess how it feels.” Don’t attempt putting anything inside of your anus until you have more practice.
6. Go around, not inside.
This goes with the above, but it bears repeating: Go around your anus, instead of inside when you’re just starting out. “To begin exploring anal masturbation, start externally and get comfortable and familiar with the sensation,” says Carol Queen, PhD, a staff sexologist at Good Vibrations. “The anus is richly endowed with nerve endings and you don't need to add any penetration to experience pleasure." Of course, if you want penetration, you can add that element too, but I’ll get to that later.
7. Just breathe.
Deep breathing goes a long way whether you’re taking a break from the workday grind to reset your mood, or, you know, headed to Booty-ville.
“You'll definitely want to breathe deeply from the diaphragm during anal play," "Exploring this region can be a rather nerve-racking experience, so be patient with yourself and take as much time as you need to get used to it.” She also notes that anal play isn’t for everyone, and if you discover it’s not for you, that’s A-OK.
8. Still nervous? Try the shower.
“If you’re new to anal masturbation, stimulating your anus may feel a bit strange since it’s a sensation your body hasn’t viewed as ‘sexual’ before,” says Kate Williams, co-founder of PleasureBetter. “I found that playing with the stream from my shower-head, like many women do for clitoral masturbation, was a great way to begin enjoying anal sensations sexually.” You’ll never look at your shower-head the same way once you know this little secret. Trust.
9. Think risqué, not risky.
PSA: Never use anything to stimulate the anus that is sharp, scratchy, breakable, and/or has no base to keep it from slipping inside. No ER visits, please!
“It’s especially important to prevent vibrating toys from slipping all the way in, since these can heat up, which is hazardous if the vibrating toy is temporarily stuck inside,” says Queen. Yeah, pass on that one.
10. Go gradually if you’re using anal sex toys.
“It’s always best to work up to it in increments each session to avoid pain or any tearing," says Williams. "Each session, start with just a finger until it feels extremely comfortable, then add a second finger until that feels completely comfortable. Then, finally, add your toys.”
Harris also suggests a smaller anal plug or anal beads if you're a beginner; some anal beads start small and get bigger the further down you go.
11. Try micro movements if you’re trying anal sex toys out for the first time.
“See how very small movements feel before you get to the point of harder/faster (if you get there at all),” says Queen. “You can be wayyy slower and more exploratory with toys, and the anus is a good place for that."
12. If at first you don’t succeed….
Just not getting blissed out with anal self-pleasure? Fret not.
Jill McDevitt, PhD, resident sexologist for Cal Exotics, who holds three degrees in human sexuality, advises trying these five things before throwing in the towel (which again, totally fine, anal play isn’t for everyone!):
- Use more lube.
- Relax and take your time.
- Try a different position.
- Try stimulating other erogenous zones at the same time, like your clit or nipples.
- If you’re using your fingers, make sure your nails are clipped and smooth.
So, you’ve had more experience with getting down with anal masturbation? Here are expert tips for moderate or advanced-level anal play:
13. Hone in on the “A-Spot.”
Yes, it’s a thing. Here’s how to find it, according to Anderson: Curve your fingers into a hook shape and insert them an inch to two inside the vagina. Once you feel the spongy tissue (that’s your G-spot), push your fingers up another two inches and that should be the A-spot. Experiment with different speeds and angles of movement to determine what feels best for you. “Some will even experience vaginal orgasm from stimulating the A-spot,” he adds
14. Go for a twofer.
That’s sex speak for combining external clitoral stimulation with your anal play. “This will really up the pleasure factor and lead to some pretty intense orgasms,” says Engle. Toys make this easy, but you can also go old-school and put both your hands to work to really earn your O.
15. Use a bigger toy.
“If you're experienced with anal masturbation and enjoy it, you can feel free to move up to bigger toys for insertion,” says Engle, cautioning that you only use anal beads or toys with flared bases that are designed for anal play. “Otherwise, the second ring of the sphincter could suck it right up. And no one wants that." Def not.
16. Or, try a butt plug.
“For those more experienced at anal exploration, why not try something a little more adventurous, like a butt plug? Plugs can be used not just for masturbation but for dilation. They can be worn for longer periods of time. So insert your plug and get on with your day,” says Joshua Gonzalez, MD, Astroglide's resident sexual health advisor. “One bit of safety advice: Whenever inserting a toy or plug into your rectum, make sure it has an edge or handle that prevents it from slipping all the way in.” Yeah, it's worth saying again, people!
17. Or, an expanding butt plug.
Yep, you read that right. “Experienced players can use expandable butt plugs," says Alexandra Holovitz, a tantric sexuality coach and hypnotherapist, founder and CEO at Alexandra Guru. "Those are the best to stretch your boundaries." And yes, that means boundaries in both the literal and over-the-moon orgasmic sense.
18. Use a vibrating sex toy.
“When said toy has a vibrating component you can take your anal exploration to the next level,” says Gonzalez. Of course, make sure any vibrating toy is designed for the anal area!
19. Use vibrating anal sex beads.
Try vibrating anal sex beads. “These can heighten your body’s sensations,” says Holovitz.
20. Experiment with a stainless steel dildo.
If vibrations aren’t for you, you may hit buttocks bliss with a stainless steel dildo “for firmer, fuller pressure,” as Williams puts it. Some may be aroused by the cool sensation of this toy, as well.
21. Time your toy removal like so…
To take your orgasm to even greater heights, try this: “If you choose to play with anal masturbation with penetration, time the removal of your toy to coincide with your orgasm,” says McDevitt. “This works especially well with anal beads, as the ‘zip’ of each bead being withdrawn can up the intensity of the orgasm.”
The bottom line (hehe): There are many ways to experiment with anal masturbation. Just be sure to start slowly, lube up, and use toys with a flared base. And have fun!