You get an orgasm! You get an orgasm!
For far too long, the narrative surrounding sex centreed on how women and female-identifying people can best please their partner. With the emphasis on giving pleasure, the receiving side to sex was often overlooked. Thankfully, society is moving past that dated, patriarchal outlook to realize that the female orgasm is an important part of sex and, consequently, should be a priority.
Yet the orgasm gap between men and women continues to exist today: Only 65 percent of heterosexual women say they always orgasm during sex, whereas a whopping 95 percent of heterosexual men say they always orgasm, according to a 2017 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior. Whether this has any correlation to how sex has been regarded throughout history is a topic for another day, because it's about damn time, as Lizzo says, for women to close that gap and reclaim their orgasm.
The good news for people with vaginas is that the erectile tissue is spread out over a larger area, meaning more erogenous zones to enjoy and more ways to reach climax. That said, if you're trying to check off having different orgasm types on your bucket list, it's worth clarifying that there aren't so much as different types of orgasms as different ways to evoke the sensation. "Most researchers tend to believe that there’s really only one kind of orgasm that can be triggered by different parts of the body," says Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy and the creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women.
Sheila Loanzon, MD, a board-certified obstetrician and gynecologist and a fellow of the American Congress of Obstetrics and Gynecology, agrees that there aren't clear categories to orgasms. "Instead of thinking about kinds of orgasm, there are different ways that an orgasm can be reached," she explains. Sometimes, you aim to stimulate different areas to achieve an orgasm, and other times it could be a combination of factors. "There can be clitoral, vaginal, breast, inner thigh, toe sucking, oral, sensual massage, mental orgasms and so many more," says Loanzon.
Although orgasms don't always have to be the end goal of sex or masturbation, they sure can make you feel real nice. And thanks to the wildly subjective nature of human pleasure, there's a whole bunch of ways to turn the elusive orgasm into an attainable one. But first, a refresher on all things big O.
What is an orgasm?
"Clinically, an orgasm is the rhythmic contractions of the genitals," says Dr. Jenni Skyler, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute. "It's the climatic peak of arousal in the human body."
During an orgasm, your vagina and uterus contract rapidly, and your heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure increases. But Skyler also describes an orgasm as "the ability to surrender to your utmost pleasure."
What does an orgasm feel like?
Considering that all bodies are different, what an orgasm feels like is entirely subjective. However, Skyler likes to describe it as a "pinnacle of pleasure, or the capacity for the whole body and genitals to feel alive and electric." Anecdotally, many vagina owners describe it as "you know it when you feel it" kind of overwhelming sensation.
How long does an orgasm typically last?
Again, this depends on the person, but generally,"orgasms can last anywhere from a few seconds to 20 or 30 seconds," says Skyler. "For some women, it can last up to a minute, especially depending on if it's a multiple orgasmic experience."
What makes a female orgasm different from a male orgasm?
Male orgasms also have rhythmic contractions of the genitals and the pelvic floor, but in general, male orgasms are shorter than female orgasms. Men also have complimentary ejaculation, although "ejaculation and orgasm are actually separate events," explains Skyler. It just so happens that for penis owners, they typically happen at the same time, she adds.
Some vagina havers do experience female ejaculation, but it's not as common, notes Skyler, who emphasizes that that shouldn't feel like the goal, especially for women who are new to orgasm.
Can I have multiple orgasms in a row?
A multiple orgasmic experience is subsequent orgasms right after the other. "Some women can hit that orgasm, come off the peak for a moment, then hit it right away, right again," says Skyler.
"Some women are not multiply orgasmic either, and that's okay if you're not," adds Skyler. "But if you are multiply orgasmic, sometimes it's multiple orgasms in quick succession and sometimes it's a come down and rebuilding effect."
I've never orgasmed before, but I want to. How can I get there?
There's absolutely no shame in never having hit that particular pleasure peak. Let go of the pressure to orgasm, and focus on enjoying yourself. "Chasing it only makes it more elusive," says Skyler. Your brain becomes flooded with thoughts like, Is it gonna happen? When is it going to happen? Where is it?, which is what Skyler calls "an anxiety narrative" that will do nothing but sabotage your orgasm. Instead, she recommends surrendering to the sensations and allowing it to emerge.
For starters, relax your mood, environment, and overall attitude, as arousal cannot emerge without relaxation. And if arousal can't emerge, neither can orgasm, notes Skyler. Once you're relaxed, you can really notice the sensations of arousal. "Arousal is what the body needs to get hot and heavy," says Skyler. Instead of focusing on a desired end goal (orgasm), focus on how the present sensations make your body feel. Whatever feels good—keep doing that.
This will help you get to know your body and figure out what you like, whether it's nipple stimulation or a fantasy that gets you juices flowing. Whatever helps you own your orgasm, know that the pinnacle of pleasure is possible. Start by trying these 11 ways to experience an orgasm and close that orgasm gap.
1. Clitoral Orgasm
The clitoris is a small, nerve-dense structure seated at the top of the vaginal opening, and serves no function other than to provide sexual pleasure. "If you’ve never had an orgasm before, you want to start with the clitoris," Marin says.
How to have a clitoral orgasm: First things first, you need to figure out if you prefer direct or indirect stimulation, which is to say, touching the clitoris itself, or through the labia and clitoral hood. Marin suggests rubbing it with your fingers (rather than a sex toy) at first, "going in a spiral type of shape around your clitoris."
"Start pretty far from it and then spiral in closer to it until you’re finally spiraling over it, and then spiraling back out," she says. Note when and how your body responds: With that knowledge base, experiment with different types of touch until you find the one that works for you.
2. G-spot orgasm
"The G spot is a hypothesized highly erogenous area on the anterior (or front) vaginal wall of the urethral sponge that can be stimulated during sexual activity," Loanzon says. "It is the female equivalent to the prostate."
How to have a G-spot orgasm: "Pee first so you don’t hold yourself back from climax, as G-spot stimulation can lead to a need-to-pee sensation and female ejaculation," says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. "Insert your middle finger in the vagina, on the belly-button side of the body. You’ll feel an area that’s likely corrugated in texture. Stop there and use a come-hither motion to stimulate or a toy rubbing or vibrating in that area."
Or, if you’re having penetrative sex, try a position that hits your G-spot—rear entry positions work well for this—and keep stimulating the area until you climax.
3. Blended orgasm
"Blended orgasms are combining clitoral stimulation with some kind of other stimulation, and that can actually be a great way—once you’ve mastered the clitoral orgasm—to figure out what other parts of your body feel like," Marin says. So, theoretically, you could achieve blended orgasm from stimulating your nipples and your G-spot simultaneously, but the most common combination is clitoris and G-spot.
How to have a blended orgasm: If you’ve got both the G-spot and the clitoral orgasm down, you’re in great shape—basically, just stimulate the G-spot at the same time you stimulate your clit.
Or, if nipple tweaking, earlobe biting, or the anus are what get you going, focus your attention there. But for most people who have clitorises, involving that area will up your odds of achieving a blended orgasm.
4. Anal orgasm
"There are shared nerves from the anterior wall of the rectum to the vagina," Dr. Loanzon previously told Women's Health. "So for vagina owners, it may be possible for sexual arousal to occur from rectal stimulation," she says. Plus, the legs of the clitoris stretch all the way back to the anus, so back door stimulation can fire up the clit, too.
How to have an anal orgasm: Alicia Sinclair, a certified sex educator and the CEO of b-vibe recommends incorporating your tried-and-true orgasm maneuvers into any anal adventure. She also suggests easing into anal play by inserting a finger first, "so that you can be the giver and receiver." Use lots of lube, too, and work your way in slowly.
"When you put something inside the anal canal, push up in the same way toward the belly button, as you would in the vagina," Sinclair explains. That way, "you have that same possibility of stimulating that central nerve area," she says.
5. C-spot orgasm
The C-spot is your cervix, and involves nerve endings located in the cervix and around the uterus. Anatomical differences and surgical history—i.e., a hysterectomy that involves the cervix's removal—can affect a person's ability to achieve cervical orgasm, as can a partner's penis size (if your partner happens to have a penis). Heavy thrusting with a particularly well-endowed partner may hurt, so communicate about how cervical stimulation feels for you.
How to have a cervical orgasm: The key to a cervical orgasm is the build-up, Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., author of The New Sex Bible resident sexologist for ASTROGLIDE, told Women's Health. You have a better chance of achieving one—and of enjoying pleasurable, rather than painful, C-spot sensations—if you’re very turned on. So, save deep penetration until you’re close to climax, and then have your partner thrust (or use a sex toy or finger) so that they hit your cervix.
6. Nipple orgasm
You probably already know where and what the nipples are, but what you might not know is that some people can orgasm solely from their stimulation. As Men’s Health reported, in one study of 213 women, 29 percent reported having had a breast-based orgasm at some point in their lives.
"When the nipples are stimulated, oxytocin is released, which causes the same uterine and vaginal contractions associated with orgasm," says ob-gyn Christiane Northrup, MD, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom. "This brings more blood flow to the genitals and can trigger an orgasm."
How to have a nipple orgasm: "When it comes to nipple/breast pleasure, I wouldn’t get too hung up on the goal of orgasm," O’Reilly says. "Focus on the pleasure and see where it leads."
O'Reilly recommends experimenting with the area right above the areola, which many people find to be the most touch-sensitive. "Start on the outer edges, using the backs of your fingers ,and circle your way slowly into the center," O'Reilly says. You can also roll the nipple between thumb and forefinger.
Some people may find it feels great to have a partner breath on, lick, suck, or pinch the nipples. This is all subjective, so it's a matter of playing around to determine what feels best for you. A light touch, at least at first, may be best for breast action. Try gentle boob cupping while stimulating the nipples with a tongue or vibrator, rather than full-on grabbing.
7. Coregasm
A coregasm is "when you work out and you have orgasms" just from the physical activity, Marin says.
How to have a coregasm: Unfortunately, this may not be something you can train your body to do. "It seems to be people are kind of born doing that and it kind of tends to be an annoyance, more often than not," Marin continues. Because yeah, exercising in a crowded gym and not being able to stop yourself from climaxing can get...awkward.