Description: We must try to fulfill the sexual desires of our partners. However, how do we convey what we are looking for to them? Here are some ways to do so. Let’s delve into this comprehensive article!
Whether you are dating someone new or have been married for decades, telling your partner that you would like to try something different is not an easy task. We all wish to celebrate our sexual desires and be open. But things tend to get complicated when we begin factoring in the feelings of our partners. Contrary to the ideas showcased by hookup dating sites, your partner might get offended or not understand how to take the news. Or, he/she may feel too shy to convert your fantasies into actions.
Even if you are in the most honest and open relationship, talking about certain sexual things may not be as easy as it may seem. Your partner may perceive your suggestions as some sort of criticism. While we may be able to get certain things across, your partner may feel judged or vulnerable.
Talking about sex, especially if you are not used to it, can be very intimidating. However, expressing yourself about sex does not have to be embarrassing or uncomfortable, according to experts. Research says that it is an excellent opportunity for partners to know more about one another and increase sexual desires, whether cuddling or trying to be more 'unconventional.'
As long as you are thoughtful and kind with your words, you should not face any problem talking about your sex life with the partner. You are both looking for a fulfilling and empowering sex life. Hence, it’s time to open the conversation and understand what questions women ask about male sexual desires (and vice versa).
Ways to Ask What You Are Looking for in Bed
If you do not know what you need to say to your partner, here are some ways that might actually help you.
Always Remember That Sex Needs to Feel Great for You as Well
The first thing you need to understand is that sex is not only about pleasing the other but also about yourself. This dilemma is more common among women as compared to men's sexual desires.
Experts deduce that women's sexual desires can be deferential to men and a little passive. Of course, it is not the fault of women but of the patriarchal culture and how women socialise. However, sex is something that both partners participate in and needs to feel suitable for both partners.
You need to ask yourself – what are sexual desires of mine? It would help if you did not lose your nerve. If you do, remember that you also deserve to feel good.
Choose the Appropriate Setting and Tone
How your partner will respond to you will depend mainly on the current mood, tone, and setting. You need to learn how to talk about sexual desires not being met. Perhaps a great way to convey your message is to become direct while also being kind and complimentary.
What you are looking for in bed or other suggestions should not be made immediately after sex. This may cause your partner to feel vulnerable. Bring up this topic organically and be firm and kind about it.
Ask During Foreplay
You do not have to be in the heat of the moment to spring something new and unusual on your partner. In fact, your partner may get scared and ruin the entire mood. You can suggest what you are looking for when your partner is listening and open to suggestions. Make sure you have water based personal lubricant handy, it make a huge difference whether you think you need it or not. Foreplay is the perfect time for that!
However, this also does not mean that you bring your suggestions immediately before sex. You can bring it up over a romantic date, while kissing, or even if you are heading for a long drive with your partner.
Try Playing Games
If you cannot straightforwardly ask your partner to do something new, you can try fiddling with the idea and make it a game. For instance, you can play a multiple-choice game with your partner, where you offer three choices to try in bed – like, a lap dance, a new position, or role-play. Ensure that you know how to control your sexual desires at this point.
Next, your partner will offer you a similar multiple-choice scenario, and then you can take action further. This is a fun way to convey your message to your partner in a subtle manner. The mood will be playful, which is a win for both parties.
Study a Guide
It is always useful to use written descriptions, visual aids, and other examples of sexual desires when you are trying out new sexual activities, especially if you are not comfortable talking about them. These choices can be anything ranging from a literal instruction manual to a sex scene in a movie or an erotic novel.
Having any guide will help you bring up the topic easier. You can simply say to your partner that you have stumbled into something interesting today and would like to try it out. You can even choose to watch some naughty videos online together or talk about something you both fantasise about.
Lay Emphasis on Positivity
If you are worried that your partner may get sensitive about your suggestions, you can add in some things that they already know you like. You can discuss how much you love it when he/she performs specific actions, and it would be more awesome if they could add your suggestion.
You can also use a compliment sandwich; no, it is not a literal sandwich! It means that you first tell something amazing, make a subtle suggestion, and then tell your partner what else you are looking for. This is a fantastic method for having an open conversation, rather than just making it feel like criticism.
Ask What They Are Looking For
Lastly, sex is an experience that both partners should enjoy. You need to be considerate and ask your partner what they are looking for as well. By trying to ‘ask my partner what his sexual desires are’ and making suggestions, it becomes something back-and-forth, which will increase the common appetite for more exploration.
Final Thoughts on Sexual Desires
Talking freely about sex with your partner will open a whole new world of possibilities. You both will end up happier than before, and the overall experience will prove to be overwhelmingly positive. You will reflect together and understand each other a lot better than before.
What are your thoughts on sexual desires? Let us know in the comments!
Authors bio:
Rebecca Shinn is a freelance writer and dating and relationship expert with a psychology degree. Her field of expertise is relationship, dating, and marriage. The important part of Rebecca’s practice is to help couples with communication skills, problem-solving skills, stress management, or financial skills.
Rebecca started writing 2 years ago to inspire and help people to have a better dating life, healthy relationships, or find a way to keep a marriage strong for long years.
With all said above, Rebecca is proud to be a mother and a wife so she doesn't only use her knowledge for helping others but keeping her family strong and happy.