So, it’s happened – it’s over. The person that you loved and put in the top spot of your speed dial is gone and you’re left processing your emotions and feeling like you got kicked in the gut. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and literally, everything that you see reminds you of them. Your friends and family all tell you that you’re better off and that this feeling will pass with time, but when your heart is going through grief and feels like an Adele song, it’s hard to believe them.
But listen – it’s time to pull yourself together. This sad sack isn’t you and there’s no way that one little breakup with your partner is going to take you down. You’ve got this. You’re going to get over this break-up like a boss. Here are our favorite ways to get over a breakup.
Give Yourself Time to Grieve
We know that this is supposed to be an article about how to get over a breakup, so if you’re here, chances are you want the magic bullet for ridding yourself of the soul-crushing misery of your heartache and pain. We get it. We’ve been there. It’s the worst.
Unfortunately, when it comes to getting over a breakup, the only way through it is – well – living through it. There’s no way to sidestep the sense of physical and emotional pain and loss you feel. You’ve got to face the healing process head-on and deal with it if you want to be done with it for good.
Taking time to grieve and going through the healing process is crucial. Grieving happens in stages, and none of them can happen overnight. You’re going to feel this way for a while and that’s OK. Let yourself feel what you feel, but remember not to panic as you are healing after a breakup. You aren’t going to feel this way forever. It will get better. You’ll be OK. We promise. Just give it some time.
Find Healthy Ways to Deal
When a relationship crashes and burns, it can be tempting to let yourself crash and burn with it as you try to deal with your grief. Sure, you’re entitled to spend a night or two crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or blowing too much money at the bar – but then it’s time to pull yourself together. Drowning your sorrows in things that are ultimately self-destructive is only going to make you feel worse. You already have a breakup to deal with. Give yourself a break and don’t add any more negative feelings to the list.
If you find yourself needing to blow off steam when healing after a breakup, try channeling it in healthy ways. That box of wine is not going to do you any favors tomorrow but going for a run might. That stack of Oreos is not going to love you back but spending time with your loved ones will remind you that you’ve already got all the love you need.
Treat Yourself
When you’re getting over a breakup, you need a little extra TLC. While your friends and family can be there for you, don’t forget to be there for yourself as well. Dealing with heartache can be extremely draining, so make sure that you’re taking care of yourself along the way. Take a bubble bath, get lots of sleep, eat healthy meals, and make sure that you are giving yourself lots of downtime to relax. When you’re feeling good physically, it’s a lot easier for your emotions to follow.
Also, don’t be afraid to indulge a little with a good time. While you don’t want to overdo it on things that aren’t good for you, there are lots of other non-destructive ways to splurge. Book a vacation somewhere tropical, give yourself a makeover or spring for that personal trainer that you’ve been thinking about for ages. Taking the time to pamper yourself in positive ways will do wonders to turn your mood around and will give you something fun to focus on so you’re not focusing on your ex.
Get Some Distance
We’re not saying that you necessarily have to cut your ex out of your life completely (unless you want to, then by all means…), but you’re at least going to need to take some space away from them if you want to get to the point where you can move on. If you’re still hurting over your breakup, it’s a sign that you probably need to stay away from them.
It’s extremely difficult to get the perspective needed to move on if you and your ex are still hanging out and falling into familiar patterns. If your ex is someone that you would like to continue to have in your life as a friend, your relationship is going to have to evolve. It can’t do that if you don’t give it some room to breathe.
Clean House
As with any train wreck, the end of a relationship will inevitably leave behind some debris. Her hair ties on your bathroom counter, his favorite sweatshirt on the shelf in your closet, that framed picture of you on vacation where you both look really happy – the still-smoldering ashes of the life you shared together are everywhere. If you’re going to start healing, it’s all got to go.
Go through your house and gather up anything that will only serve as a painful reminder. If you’re not feeling ready to face it, get a friend to help you. Do it all in one sweep and then put it all somewhere that you won’t have to see it. Reclaiming your space will make it easier for you to move on.
Keep in mind that your home might not be the only place that needs a proverbial exorcism. If you find yourself constantly being confronted with pictures of your ex every time you check in on social media, your digital life might need some cleansing as well. A lot of people find that blocking their ex on social media is a crucial step in getting over a breakup, but if you’re not willing to go that route, keep reading for a list of apps and plugins that can give you more options.
Stay Strong
There comes a dark hour during any breakup when you forget all the reasons that you and your ex broke up in the first place. You’ll hear a joke that you just have to tell them or catch yourself getting nostalgic over your first date and suddenly all the very sound and valid reasons that you had for moving on from that relationship will start to seem flimsy.
This is the critical moment when you will need to stay strong. If you prepare yourself ahead of time, you’ll have the best chance of making it through without backsliding into your old relationship. Write a list of all the reasons that you should not be with your ex and put it away somewhere so that you can re-read it when you are feeling unsure of your decision. Have a couple of friends on standby that you can call when you are thinking of calling your ex. Having a contingency plan in place to help hold you accountable will make it easier to have clarity about the situation and do what is best for you.
Call In Backup
Getting over a breakup isn’t easy. You’ll have good days, and you’ll have bad days. The good news is that you don’t have to go through it alone. When it comes to heartbreak, basically everyone has been there – and chances are your family and friends will be able to empathize with what you are going through. This is the time to lean on the people closest to you for support, so don’t be afraid to ask for it if you need it.
Plan to spend more time with your inner circle, especially at times that you know will be hardest for you. For instance, if you used to spend Friday nights cooking dinner with your ex, then plan a new tradition of watching a movie with a close friend. Spending time with the people you love will keep you from feeling lonely and gives you fun things to look forward to. A full social calendar also means that you will have less time to feel sad about your breakup, which will help you move on.
Do You, Boo
When a relationship ends, you inevitably find yourself with a lot of extra time on your hands. The time that you spent with your ex can very easily become the time that you spend binge-watching Netflix. If you don’t find something productive to do with that time, you’re going to end up feeling even more isolated and lonely. That’s why a breakup is a perfect opportunity to try new things.
Take up yoga, join a band, or start that novel that you’ve been wanting to write for the last five years. This is your opportunity to focus on yourself and make some decisions about what you want your single life to look like moving forward. Choose to focus your energy on healthy habits or something awesome and it won’t be long before you are feeling awesome and experiencing more positive emotions.
Get Pumped
Yes, breakups are the worst. But you know what isn’t? Being single. It can be hard to recognize through the haze of a broken heart, but single life has a lot of perks. From sleeping diagonally across the bed to having the general ability to “do you,” being single is pretty awesome.
And best of all, being single means that you get to fall in love again. Sure, you loved your ex, but the fact that you’re broken up means that it clearly wasn’t working. Being single means that you can meet someone new – someone who is right for you.
In the meantime, you get to enjoy all the fun parts of looking. The excitement of flirting, first dates, and first kisses are all back on the menu for you now. Instead of struggling to make a dead-end relationship work, you get to start over and make something new.
*Images are for illustrative purposes only.