Because the best present is you...naked.
Even if you’re not Christmas’ number one fan, it’s easy to get swept up in Christmas-adjacent shenanigans during the holiday season. There’s loads of present-buying and cookie-eating and dinner-party-attending to be had, and yeah, it can all feel pretty magical—a time of love and new beginnings. But the stress of hunting for great gifts, general overindulgence, and a little too much quality time with the fam can be a lot to handle at once. So, behold, our holiday gift to you: Christmas sex positions that are so hot, you’re going to want to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh.
For best results, go ahead and forget about your to-do list, at least for a little while. “Anxiety and pressure can be sex killers. You might end up with sex, but it could feel disconnected, clunky and disappointing,” says sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr. If you’re distracted or finding it hard to get out of your head during sex—hello, having sex at your parents’ house—really focus your attention on your partner, your sensations, and being present. “Sex hinges on connection and energy levels in the moment,” says Fehr.
You can also let go of the idea that you need to have Hallmark Christmas movie-level romance. “Don’t take it personally if things don’t go exactly as planned,” says Fehr. Too tired? F*ck it (or don’t!) and just go to bed snuggling. “You might have enough energy to wake up in the middle of the night for some passionate love-making,” says Fehr. “Or do it in the morning, when you’re both full of energy and desire for each other. Hold things loosely and roll with it.”
Be true to yourself and your partner with what you’re feeling this season and you’ll have exactly the kind of holiday loving you want, need, and deserve. And, as promised, here are some extra special positions to put the ho ho ho in your holidays.
Tie One On
Use Christmas lights or tinsel to (carefully) tie each other up. “I love doing shibari bondage with Christmas lights and decorations so I can wrap and unwrap my own sexy presents!” says Miss Couple, an intimacy and relationship coach. If you’re not quite at Shibari-levels of expertise, try DIY holiday-themed light bondage using gift ribbons as wrist bindings or a cardboard gift wrap tube as a spreader bar.
Have a Very Sexy Advent
We are blessed with so many great choices in sex toy advent calendars (srsly these are so cute) but if you or your partner are sex toy-averse, try a lingerie advent calendar instead. Every night for seven days, you get to open a little drawer, bust out something cute, have your partner close their eyes and feel what you’re wearing.
Warm and Bothered
Feel the warmth of the season by slipping into luxe warm bath, then slowly soaping each other up. When you absolutely must have each other (or are just getting too wrinkly), wrap up in robes then head to bed. Keep your robes on and just open them in front for cozy missionary. “Since our bodies are responsive to heat, consider using a warming lubricant,” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, resident sexologist at Astroglide. And if you really want to get kinky, put some socks on. “Research suggests that women are more likely to have an orgasm if our feet are warm, so leave your boots, socks or slippers on,” she says.
All Wrapped Up
If you’ve been living in yoga pants for, oh, three-plus years now, it’s time to rediscover the glory that is lingerie. Present your fine-ass self in sexy lingerie that fits comfortably, sit on your partner’s lap facing them, and kiss your way down their neck while you grind against them. Tease them with your kisses before you let them unwrap you
Santa Claus Is Cuming
What better time of year to play dress up in bed than Christmas? Have your partner dress up as Santa (at least their top half) as you let them hear how good you’ve been this year. “Sit sideways on your partner’s lap with your arms around their neck to try the Santa’s lap position,” says Marsha Jackson, a sex counselor who specializes in queer and gender fluid people. “As they penetrate you from underneath, use your sexy whisper to tell them what you really want to find under the tree for Christmas.” (If you’re really into it, spring for the extra Santa accessories. Santa rubbing you with his gloved hand? White beard + oral? Yes please!)
Shhh-ower Stuff
Wanna get it on but feel super awk doing it at your parents’ house? Two words: shower sex. Give your partner the gift of waterproof sex toys by putting together a gift basket full of ’em and putting them to good use. “Join your honey in the shower (perhaps to sneak away while staying with relatives) and allow the heat to build between your bodies,” says O’Reilly. “Kneel at their feet for a hot oral session or sit in one another’s laps for rear entry. Be sure to keep a silicone lube on hand to keep things slick and slippery between your bodies.”
The Big Present
Candy Cane Dreams
Arousal gels and creams help focus your attention and increase sensations. Try an arousal cream with a little bit of menthol, cinnamon, or mint (seasonal!)—penises, nipples, and vulvas read the tingliness as arousal. (Some can be a bit much on tender bits, so start off with a wee amount and be ready to flee to the shower if it’s less sexy and more burny.) Get a selection and try them out by dabbing them on slowly for maximum buildup.
The Chimney Sweep
If your partner has a prostate, move beyond the basic finger-in-the-butt move to a toy that gives them deeper, more direct stimulation. For the best results, stimulate their penis until they are very aroused. Slowly slide a lubed-up prostate vibrator into their butt, pressing it on the upper wall until you find the nerve-rich prostate gland a couple of inches inside. People with penises report that orgasms with prostate stimulation can feel deeper and more intense. Merry Christmas.
The Mmmelter
Gift them a set of candles that melt into warm, silky massage oil as they burn for some fun wax play. It’s sexy lighting that gently scents the room as you pour warm drops of the oil into the small of your partner’s back, between their toes, down their inner thighs. Rub as you go and watch them melt for you, then slip your hand under their hips for the best massage of all. (Use regular lube if anything’s going inside someone.)
Couples boudoir photography is becoming more and more of a thing, but if you don’t want your naked self in a photo studio, go with an instant film camera, so you can do whatever the hell you want with the naughty photos. Go soft-core sexy (like placing their hand on your boob), or super raunchy (like a POV shot of them about to go down on you), or turn the timer on and let it capture you ravishing each other.
The 12 Days Craze
12 Days of Sexy is like an Advent calendar, but instead of mediocre chocolates, each little compartment is filled with a sexy toy, like a blindfold, a diamond-shaped vibrator (fancy!) or the MAZE Tassel Choker that doubles as a whip. Treat yourself every day, and then some.
The Steam Press
The Mixologist
Mix edible flavored lubes like a MFing lube artisan. For a coffee lover, turn yourself into a coffee house with dollops salted caramel, cinnamon bun, blueberry and/or vanilla bean. Or create a makeshift appletini (lil shot of vodka for them, followed by a dollop of candy apple on your boobs). Don’t forget to return the favor, since this is supposedly a gift for them, after all.
The Magic of the Season
Trust us when we say there is fun to be had with a wand vibrator. Most clit owners know the glory of the wand, but if your partner has a penis, let them in on its powers by having them stand at the edge of the bed, pressing the wand into the base of their shaft to create a Magical Vibrating Penis for you and some serious throbs for them.
Holidays on Ice
The Wet and Wild
If you like things wet (no further questions), get yourself a lush throw that lets you get as messy as you want and ensures no one gets left with the sad, cold wet spot. Pick a blanket side (velvet microfiber or satiny), then lube the hell out of each other. Seriously, drench yourselves till you can barely hang onto each other. Lie on top of your partner, chest to chest, and slide back and forth, trying to keep them inside you while rubbing your clit on their pelvic bone.
A Novel Evening
Pamper your sapiosexual with a sexy private reading of your favorite erotica and, if you want to be extra, an accompanying set of props to help for acting out the story (or creating a new ending). You can gift them a set of sexy books (here are some recs) or there’s plenty of free erotic stories online.
Lord of the Ring
For a gift that’s secretly for you too, give your favorite penis owner a luxe vibrating cock ring. It keeps them harder longer, for more explosive orgasms (and provides perfectly-placed clit vibrations for you). Try a more grinding than thrusting missionary, so you can angle yourself against them.
Astroglide is available at every Woolworths Supermarket across Australia.
Astroglide is available at Chemist Warehouse online