Dating today has changed a lot in the last five years. Gone (mostly) are the days that you’re meeting someone organically through a friend or randomly while out and about. It’s all about the dating apps…Tinder, Her, Grindr, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Scruff, The League, Coffee Meets Bagel, Jack’d, Feeld…the list could go on and on.
Online Dating Tips for Bumble, Grindr & Her
According to a 2019 eMarketer report, roughly 25 million people will use a dating app at least monthly. You either love them or hate them. You’ve either found the love of your life, found your next FWB, or are going on more first dates than you’d like to admit. We all have stories (good or bad) to share and we’re all using them for different reasons or end games. No matter what your experience, it’s how dating in 2020 and the foreseeable future will work. So we’ve tapped into some experts to share their advice on navigating today’s digital dating age. If you’re just not sure where to start or are frustrated with your current outcome, read on for practical online dating tips!
Dating Apps. A Brief History
How we meet and interact with people today has changed in general thanks to advances in technology, and dating is no different. Dating apps have helped us meet people that we might otherwise never have crossed paths with as it’s expanded the reach of our social networks outside of our day-to-day lives and activities.
As background, dating apps originated in the gay community with the OG’s like Grindr and Scruff. From there, Tinder launched targeting people of all sexual orientations looking for a relationship, love, sex and casual dating. According to Alexis Taylor, Sex & Relationship Expert, it’s around this time when the dating culture started to expand, and Tinder became the most popular dating app on the market. And here we are today, with Tinder and Bumble continuing to grow in share throughout 2019.
Finding the Best App For You
According to a recent Business Insider article, “At this point, we see existing users switching between apps rather than new users trying dating apps for the first time,” said eMarketer analyst Nazmul Islam. So how do you determine which app is best for you and what you’re looking for? Our experts shared the following insight:
- The best way to navigate all of the different relationship apps is to simply start out with an end goal in mind. Whether that’s a steady year of casual hookups, marriage, polyamorous relationships, or anything in between. It’s important, whatever your goal is to envision the end result of your efforts. Without focus and a true goal, you’ll most likely end up disappointed with the results over time. This method goes for anything in life. You need to set goals with practical expectations. From there, you’ll be able to pivot and adjust accordingly if things aren’t going as anticipated. Different platforms offer different benefits. There are some platforms where it’s obviously very superficial and based on looks, while other platforms ask you an extended series of questions to better match you with someone who has like-minded interests. – Christopher Grozdon CMO of DASH-SEO
- The most important thing is to know what it is you want. What you want should determine where you shop. The best advice I can give someone is to imagine themselves as their “ideal mate” and choose which app you believe this person would be most likely to use. Ultimately you have to “run in the same circles” as the type of people you want to meet.
One common mistake many people make with online dating is they don’t bother to research dating sites/apps before selecting one. Most people invest more time researching hotels for a one week vacation than they do a dating app where they hope to find their soulmate! There are sites such as DatingAdvice.com and DatingScout.com which provide reviews and user ratings on various dating apps. You can learn about the women to men ratio, number of users, sexual orientation percentages, average age, income, educational level and so on. Not to mention that there is a niche site for just about anything you can imagine from pet lovers and single parents to hobbies/interests and even political party affiliation. My recommendation is to avoid the “free apps” unless you have a lot of time to sift through those you find undesirable. Whenever anything is free it’s going to attract lots of people who may not fit your ideal mate criteria. – Kevin Darné, author of Online Dating Avoid The Catfish!: How To Date Online Successfully.
- Keep in mind that not all dating sites are created equal. There are some sites that are geared more toward professionals or have in-person events such as The League. Then there are ones that do a more intense profile and match you with others based on similarities like eHarmony or Match. Whereas if you were looking for someone more casual then try Tinder. Therefore, research the app’s reputation and choose one that is geared toward your wants and needs that way you will have the most potential of success by partnering with those who want what you want. – Sophia Reed Ph.D. NCC
Start by Setting Your Dating Intentions
Whether you’re looking for love or a casual fling, Alexis Taylor Sex & Relationship Expert suggests that “the key to any online dating is to set clear intentions and shifting your attitude. Whether you prefer chatting extensively with your new crush first or a little fantasy in your play, there are diverse options to suit your every whim and desire. In order to attract someone with similar interests, and to make sure you and your match are on the same page, putting yourself out there and being honest about what you want is the best way to go. There are plenty of people like you who are looking for the same thing and they’re on dating apps too.”
Christopher Grozdon CMO of DASH-SEO echoes similar sentiments sharing, “Ultimately, how you date in the age of dating apps is by envisioning what you want out of said dating apps and treating it somewhat seriously if you want to have real results. Like anything else in life, if you half-ass it, it’ll show. Take some nice photos of yourself, write an honest and witty bio, and begin meeting people who you match with and you are interested in.”
Putting Yourself Out There + Honesty = the Best Combination
When creating your profile, remember that Finding someone with the same intention as you in dating apps has little to do with which platform is used and everything to do with how you approach dating. And each of the experts shared that throughout all stages of online dating that honesty is the way to go!
“As a poly man who is married, I find the best policy is honesty. It’s right there on my profile. Some people prefer a more subtle approach to outing themselves as non-monogamous. Look for phrases like poly, open, ENM, ethically non-monogamous, swinger, and on places like Hinge where profiles are more obscure I think my favorite has been “You shouldn’t date me if you need all of my time,” said Andrew Newton of Millennial, Redefined.
In order to attract someone with similar interests, and to make sure you and your match are on the same page, putting yourself out there and being honest about what you want is the best way to go. According to Alexis Taylor, Sex & Relationship Expert, you should have the important conversations. The earlier in the relationship this is done, the better. Don’t shy away from finding out if you’re on the same page for things such as marriage and children, what they’re looking for, hooking up, etc.
Using Multiple Apps at Once
Whether you choose to focus your time and energy on one app or to spread yourself among three or more, it’s up to you. Just remember what your intentions are and go from there. A few tips from our experts on this front:
- Being on multiple apps is like using multiple social media apps. Am I on Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat? Sure, because I can interact with people in a different way on each, and there are some people that you’ll only ever see on one of those platforms. Plus it’s pretty gratifying when you match someone on multiple apps. – Andrew Newton, Millennial, Redefined.
- If you want to be successful and find someone to start a relationship within dating apps, Alexis Taylor, Sex & Relationship Expert suggests the following, “It’s better to focus on one at a time and start conversations to determine what someone’s personality really is, instead of quickly dismissing due to the buffet of people on the app. If you are going to pick more than one app to increase the pool of people you get to choose from, know that this might only add to the confusion and distraction but that you should try for apps that have a point of difference. If you’re going to go the multiple app route, pick apps that are different to gain access to new people.
Remember What You Deserve (No Matter What You’re Looking For)
Throughout this entire process, Sophia Reed Ph.D. NCC suggests keeping in mind that for anyone who presents themselves in a way outside of what you are looking for then don’t give them the time of day. For example, if you want a relationship and someone sends you nude shots that is an indication of them only looking for a hookup and if that is not what you are looking for then stop talking to them. This process is as much about you and your wants and needs as it is for the person you’re looking for, so always remember what your intentions are and go from there.
