Consider these tips and tricks a gift from you to you.
Not that you really need any justification for masturbation, but there are plenty of completely legit reasons to take to your bed with a bottle of lube and your favorite toy. “Masturbation is an incredible way to participate in self-care—there are stress-relieving elements, a release of feel-good hormones in the brain (dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin), and the simple fact that it can feel really good,” says Lisa Finn, a sex educator at Babeland.
Solo play is great on its own, but knowing exactly what does it for you will also make partnered sex much more satisfying. “Masturbating provides a space that’s only about you—no worrying about what you look or sound like, no thinking about the satisfaction or wants of anyone other than yourself—which makes it a great venue to explore your body and discover the different ways you can turn yourself on,” says Finn.
So it’s just you and you, and y’all are ready to get down. Now what? Finn recommends masturbating without the goal of orgasm. That way, you can focus on discovering what feels good. “Explore different erogenous zones, different sensations: using your fingers/hands, incorporating toys or vibrators, changing up pace and pressure, grinding or humping, switching up positions or even where you masturbate (solo shower sex, anyone?),” says Finn. If you finish, fantastic. If not, you’re still reaping all the benefits of masturbation. Thank you, feel-good hormones.
Plus, it’s also a great way to explore what turns you on unabashedly, in the privacy of your own space. “Nobody needs to know what you do when you’re by yourself—it’s your body, no one else’s. Try new techniques or explore different kinks to see if they’re your cup of tea. There should be zero shame,” says Finn.
Show yourself an extra good time with these expert tips.
Try Edging
If you haven’t heard of edging, make it your goal to try it ASAP. It’s a technique where you get yourself close to the point of orgasm, then stop right before you finish. “Every time you do it, you build the intensity of the sensations, so by the time you let yourself go, it’s like a freight train,” says sex expert Piri Miller, founder of couples sex toy company Come Play.
Test Out Different Spots
Masturbation can be so much more than just genital touch. Ob-gyn Renée Hilliard, MD, a sex and relationships coach, suggests touching any part of your body that feels good, including your neck, lips, nipples, belly, thighs, and feet. “Experiment with different speeds of touch and stroking. You can pinch, tap, go up and down, side to side, make circles using whole hand or just one or two fingers. Try cupping the vulva with your hand and making hip circles. It’s your body, show it a good time.
Surprise Yourself
Sarah Riccio, queer sex educator and cofounder of Delicto.com, suggests changing your masturbation venue to make the act feel more erotic and exciting. “If you always masturbate in bed, take some waterproof toys into the shower for an extra wet ménage à moi. Or if you’re really in the mood to admire yourself, head to the room with the biggest mirror and give yourself a show. Watching your reflection enjoy a powerful orgasm will have you feeling yourself in more ways than one.”
If you’re looking to mix it up or just really impress yourself, here are some position recommendations to take for a little solo spin.
If you’re a humper, give your well-loved stuffed animal or pillow a day or two off with a toy specifically designed for the grinders among us. “There has been a lot of interest on the market for grinding sex toys, and they’re super popular for those who love the motion of humping or the sensation of friction as a way to please themselves,” says Finn. Just lie on top of one and you can hump away as usual, while enjoying the bonus of vibrations.
Remember: Orgasms are great, but you shouldn’t feel pressure to have one as a sign of a great solo sesh—or as a sign of great sex in general. Some folks who struggle to get there might be dealing with mental and physical blocks, says Finn, who suggests using your masturbation time as a sort of science lab, trying different types of touches, speeds, and rhythms. “Allow yourself to let go, to focus on your body and its natural reactions, to take your time and move at your own pace. Listen to how your body reacts, and allow yourself to recognize what feels good and chase that sensation, following whatever motions keep those good feelings going.”
Like grinding and feeling spendy? “The Cowgirl is worth the splurge,” says Finn. “It comes with an attachment that perfect for grinding.” We know it’s pricey ($1,750!), but think of less like a sex toy and more like a sex machine. You straddle the half cylinder in the Cowgirl position, then fire it up and hang the hell on.
You can repurpose your sex toys to be exciting new lovers. “If you normally masturbate using a vibrator, try playing with it without turning it on, or experiment with cupping your hands around your most sensitive areas. If you haven’t considered exploring your entire body for pleasure, use a soft vibrating toy over your stomach, breasts, legs and arms,” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, resident sexologist at Astroglide
“Lie on your side with a toy or your hands between your legs. Squeeze your thighs together for extra friction,” says O’Reilly. If you want something a little more subtle, “butterfly your legs in and out while closely tuning into the subtle sensations outside as your vaginal lips and thighs come together and inside the vagina.” says Hilliard.
Squatting helps with internal stimulation, says Hilliard. If your thighs start burning, go ahead and kneel instead. “Saddle up and ride pillows, neck rolls, furniture, rolled up towels, stuffed animals, yoga balls, or insert toys like dildos and vibrators.
If one vibrating toy is great, imagine three. Get yourself a buzzy clit toy, a throbby internal vibrator, and a rumbly anal plug and fire them up. Get toys that stay put in your bum and vagina so you can attend to your clit as needed. (If things are sliding out, keep them in place with some consenting pillows.)
Adding a CBD serum can enhance your lonely island in multiple ways. It can increase blood flow to fun sexual parts for deeper arousal, and its anti-inflammatory properties tamp down sexual pain. Plus, you’re supposed to rub it in for like 10 to 15 minutes, which can serve as foreplay in and of itself. Use that time to tease yourself, experiment, and really notice what’s happening with your body.
