Step 1: Lube, lube, and more lube.
If you’re here, that probably means you either have a vagina or ~intimately~ know someone who does. Lucky you, because vaginas are pretty amazing. They can push out babies and give you all sorts of pleasure, and they DIY their own lubrication...usually. Sometimes, the vagina misses the whole I want to get me some memo. That’s why figuring out how to get wet when things feel dry as hell is basically a superpower—one we're going to teach you right here, right now. You see, natural lubrication is the body's way of getting ready for sexual activity, explains Johanna Rief, head of sexual empowerment at Womanizer. “It happens when the Bartholin and Skenes glands secrete fluid that lubricates the vaginal canal.”
The catch is, lubrication might be the body’s way of prepping for sex, but it’s also a result of sexual arousal. “When a [person with a vagina] is aroused, there is increased blood flow to the genitals,” says Allison Hill, MD, OBGYN, a medical expert for sexual and reproductive telehealth company, Wisp. “This higher volume of blood causes a watery fluid to form on the walls of the vagina.” This lubricant decreases friction during penetration and makes sex (like, all types of sex) feel way better.
It’s when the vagina doesn’t self-lubricate that things can get very uncomfortable, very quickly. "Inadequate lubrication can lead to painful sex which might make you want to avoid sex altogether," warns ob-gyn Shristy Mohanty. Turns out all that slickness is pretty major when it comes to having great sex.
But luckily, all hope isn’t lost if you can’t seem to get wet. From being fully revved up to switching up your positions, here's what the pros suggest trying if you want to end your (literal) dry spell.
1. Stop stressing.
First of all, getting wet is often touted as a sign of arousal, but Astroglide resident sexologist, Jess O’Reilly, PhD, says it's important to remember "a wetter reaction is not necessarily a sign of a greater desire." On that same note, dryness doesn't always mean there's a lack of interest.
"This is because our body’s physiological reactions to sexual desire and arousal do not always align with our lived experience, and that’s okay," says O'Reilly. The more you stress, the less likely you are to feel that wet arousal, so instead of worrying about self-lubrication, try to put it out of your mind. Vaginal dryness is easily solvable these days. To get yourself in the mood, Rief suggests taking some time to ramp up that sexual tension. Turn on sexy music, make out with your partner, and if lubrication happens, it happens. If not, pls see #2
2. Use lube.
While natural lubrication isn't necessarily a sign of missing arousal, moisture is important when having sex. Not only does lube make sex feel better, but it actually makes it safer. "Sex can cause too much friction, which may cause small skin tears, cuts, or irritation that can make infections more likely," explains chief medical officer of Favor, Amy Roskin, PhD.
If safety and just feeling good isn't enough to get you on the lube train, Dr. Jess explains it can actually help increase natural lubrication. "Some people find that using lube helps them to relax and produce their own bodily lubrication as it reduces the pressure to get wet," she explains. "Apply lube prior to hopping into bed and enjoy the sensation of being wet even before you’re aroused (and of course, applying lube can lead to arousal)."
Oh, and before you think grabbing the lube means you've failed or are giving up, Rief urges you to just put those negative thoughts away. "Everyone deserves to live their most sexually fulfilled life, and using lube is one of the best ways to ensure your sexual experiences are as satisfying as possible," she says.
3. Take your time.
ICYMI, sex starts in the brain. "It takes about 20-30 minutes of mental arousal for the blood flow to the genitals to increase," explains Dr. Hill. "Therefore, adequate natural lubrication also requires 30 minutes of arousal." But guess what? Most people aren't taking a half-hour to prep the vagina for pleasureville. “Surveys have shown that couples in the US are having sex anywhere between 5.4 to 19 minutes,” says Lovers sexpert Vanessa Geffrard.
“We like to think our bodies are like on and off switches,” adds sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes, “but we are much more complex than that.” This one is easily fixable though: Just make sure to slow down, don’t rush, and really give yourself the full 45 minutes or longer to let yourself become aroused.
4. And keep the sexy vibes flowing.
While we're on the topic of taking your time, Dr. Hill stresses the importance of staying actively aroused and not just diving into sex the second you start to feel a little tingle. That's because arousal doesn't just = lubrication, but also a relaxing of the pelvic floor muscles. "The vagina actually changes shape and flattens to accommodate penetration," Dr. Hill explains. "If [a person with a vagina] isn’t spending 20-30 minutes in the arousal phase, sex may not be pleasurable, and may even be painful."
So while lube will make things wetter (which like, yay!), mental arousal will allow your pelvic floor to relax and make sex significantly better. Good things take time, y'all.
5. Explore erotica.
Sexy stories, steamy movies, and even sultry music are all *chef's kiss* arousal aids you should have at the ready, Dr. Hill suggests."Any activity that increases arousal will help with natural lubrication," she explains. "We encourage women to find what arouses them and incorporate that into their sex practices."
What makes erotica a great option is that it helps navigate your thoughts. Instead of you trying to will a hot image in your head, the ethical porn you're watching, erotic story you're reading, or audio porn you're listening to can guide your sensual thoughts. It's important to note that leaning on erotica is completely normal whether you're single or in a relationship. If you're concerned about what your partner would think (or if they have some insecurities surrounding this type of stimuli), Rief suggests having an open conversation about it. "It might become a great activity for you to do together," she says.
6. Use a sex toy.
So, sex toys probably aren't going to be The Thing that gets your natural lubrication gushing (sorry, sorry), but Rief says they're a great tool to use to get closer. "Sex toys can help with getting you in the mood by sending the right messages all over the body." She recommends using a non-penetrative toy to start out. This will help "build the anticipation and lubrication" for whatever you want to dive into next.
7. Pick the perfect position.
Some positions not only feel better than others but can actually lead to more lubrication production. First, by having sex in a way that feels comfortable to you, you'll be more confident, relaxed, and comfortable, which will naturally help your body get aroused, explains Dr. Mohanty. Additionally, some penetrative positions can actually increase lubrication because they're hitting the deep spots of the clitoris. Try the coital alignment technique to see if it creates a ~juicy~ response.
8. Drink more water.
Something as simple as dehydration could be leading to vaginal dryness, Menezes says. Seriously! Since our cells are composed of mostly water, poor water intake causes a myriad of detrimental effects on the body, which can include vaginal dryness, explains Amy Gueye-Weinstein, MD.
This one is also easily fixable though: Dr. Gueye-Weinstein says if you work to consistently stay hydrated (aka drinking around 2.7 liters of water a day, per Mayo Clinic standards), and if dehydration is the only source for your vaginal dryness, you should see improvements in as little as three days. Talk about some v instant gratification for a major lifestyle change.
9. Eat more fruits and veggies.
While you're chugging some H2O, consider adding more fresh produce to your diet as well. "Fruits with high content in water, like strawberries and pineapples, help with your natural lube," Calmerry mental health therapist, Diamond Marie, previously told Cosmopolitan.
10. Talk to your doc.
If your vaginal dryness often occurs with unusual dryness in other areas of your body such as eyes and mouth, you should consider consulting a doctor, as these could be signs of Sjögren's (pronounced like “SHOW-grins”) syndrome, says Ashley Harris, a sex and relationship coach at BeyondAges. This condition affects dryness along all the mucous membranes, adds Dr. Gueye-Weinstein, and can affect both young and older people with vaginas alike.
Sjorgen’s is the most common autoimmune disorder after rheumatoid arthritis, but Dr. Gueye-Weinstein explains it’s still considered a rare condition. Of course, Dr. Gueye-Weinstein adds it's always a smart move to have a doctor evaluate you if your vaginal dryness is concerning to you. So go on and make an appointment. It can't hurt!
11. Check your meds.
Allergy, cold medications with antihistamines, and even some asthma medications can cause vaginal dryness. Try switching to more natural remedies or talk to your doctor about other options.
12. And your antidepressants.
Not only do SSRIs interfere with libido, but they can also impact vaginal lubrication, explains chief medical officer for BodyLogicMD Jennifer Landa, MD. Talk to your psychiatrist about switching to a different medication until you find one that works best for your mental health and your sexual health.