Giddy 👏 up 👏.
Getting on top during sex when you’re the receiving partner—aka cowgirl position—can be a little daunting if you’ve never done it before. To be fair, it does come with a whole new set of questions: What do you do with your hands? What do you do when your legs get tired? Do you have to dress up like a cowboy, or are costumes optional? (Lol, kidding, kind of.)
But the truth is, the cowgirl sex position is popular because it’s good, and most of the time (read: when you get out of your head!) it’s v easy to pull off. “The beauty of the position is that you're the one in control,” says certified sex and relationships coach and clinical sexologist Elaine S. Turner. When you hop on top, you get to be in complete control of the speed, depth, angle, and motion of what’s going on, and all that can be super helpful if your goal is to have an orgasm.
Now, before you embark on your Big Mission To Own The Cowgirl Position, there are a few important tips and tricks to know. (And even if you consider yourself an expert rider, you can always learn a new thing or two!) In no particular order, here’s what to keep in mind.
Get your clit involved.
Yes, hi, remember how I said “no particular order”? I was lying. This tip is number one for a reason. If cowgirl isn’t making you feel freaking fantastic, you might be among the majority of vagina owners who do not orgasm with penetration alone. Yes, I said majority—it’s super normal! So make sure your clit is getting the attention it needs and don’t be afraid to give yourself a hand.
“Angle your hips for your clit to rub against your partner or play with your clit while riding,” suggests erotic rom com writer Liv Arnold. You can also delegate clit duties: “Lean back a bit and have your partner play with your clit using their fingers or your favorite bullet vibrator or wand massager,” says resident certified sex therapist at SexualAlpha, Aliyah Moore, PhD.
Take it slow.
If you’re riding a strap-on, you can ignore this one, but if you partner has a penis, this is crucial. “Cowgirl is one of the positions most likely to lead to a broken penis,” says Turner. “If you're going up and down on them too fast, they can slip out, leading to a rough landing. Avoid the awkward hospital visit and take your time.” Yes ma’am!
Use protection.
Even if you’re on another form of birth control, bust out a condom to help prevent STIs, recommends Jasmine Akins, a sexual health educator at CAN Community Health. (Psst, here’s a secret tip for the condom-adverse.)
Now, ready to saddle up? Take some of these cowgirl sex positions out for a spin.
1.The Leaner
If you want an easy and comfortable ride, try leaning forward slightly, suggests sex expert Mayla Green, co-founder of TheAdultToyShop.com. Not only will you get the stimulation your clit craves, but you can rest some of your body weight on your hands.
2. The Coffee Grinder
Instead of bouncing up and down (see above: penis breaking), do a slow grind against your partner. Apply some CBD-based lube and grind against their pubic bone. Spread your legs extra wide to get more friction across your entire vulva.
3. The Wild Horse
Switch up the depth of penetration and speed to maximize the stimulation you’ll both be getting. If you need a template, try four quicker, shallower thrusts, then on the fifth thrust, sink slowly all the way onto your partner. That deep fifth thrust will feel so amazing to both of you.
4. The Switcheroo
5. The Show Off
Feeling shy up there? “The best way to overcome it is with practice and showing off,” says Turner. “Grab your favorite bullet or wand vibrator and get it involved while you're on top. Or you can grab your partner's hand and show them where you want them to touch you.” When you’re really into it, you forget about being self-conscious, fast.
6. The Kinky Cowgirl
“Putting a blindfold over your partner's eyes or tying them up to the bed can be a massive turn-on,” says Turner. “Incorporating sensory deprivation means focusing on the sensations and maximizing their enjoyment.” (If you feel vulnerable and exposed when you’re on top, a blindfolded partner can help you feel less inhibited.)
7. The Spotter
You know how when someone’s holding your legs you can magically do sit-ups better? Harness the same principle by tucking your legs under your partner, suggests Sinclair. (Just slide your feet under their butt.) This move can help stabilize you and keep your thighs from tiring out, she says.
8. Face-to-Face Cowgirl
Make cowgirl instantly more intimate by having your partner sit up instead of lying on their back. "This can help take some of the pressure off your thighs, switch up the rhythm, and allow you to hold onto them for support," says Sinclair. It’s also excellent for sweet kisses and eye gazing.
9. Ramp It Up
Feel like you’re not quite getting the right angle? Try a sex pillow or wedge. “Giving the partner on top a little more leverage and aligning genitals a little better for comfortable insertion makes a huge difference in terms of making this position both more comfortable and more pleasurable,” says co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly, Tara Struyk, who recommends the Liberator Wedge and Ramp Combo.
10. The Suspended in Time
“People think cowgirl is all about lots of movement and activity (with an occasional shouted yee-haw),” says sexologist Anka Grzywacz, certified sex coach at Good Sx Coaching. “Add some pelvic muscle squeezes and deep breathing to that, pause, and see what happens.” Spoiler: Good stuff, that’s what happens.
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