It’s no secret that orgasms are one of life’s greatest pleasures (pun very much intended). Whether they originate from using a vibrator or riding your partner cowperson style, climaxing can feel really good. For some people, however, the process of getting off is an uphill climb. In these cases, the ever-elusive orgasm can feel like an unachievable goal, which can be… frustrating, in more than one way.
Being unable to finish during sex or masturbation can sometimes leave you feeling unsatisfied — but if you’re among those who have trouble reaching an orgasm, you are not alone; one survey conducted by sexual wellness brand Durex found that 20% of women don’t orgasm, while only 2% of men said the same. To prove how possible it is for anyone to have a mind-blowing experience — and perhaps inspire you to not give up hope — Bustle asked women for their best orgasm stories.
It can often be tricky to find just the right sex position, angle, or technique that will have you seeing stars. For some help, Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, weighed in on these orgasm stories and shared what made each scenario really work. Read on for some inspo for your next time in the sack. And remember: Have fun.
Ali, 34: “My current partner and I were kinda tipsy, and had been going at it for a while. I was on top and he had his hands firmly gripping my hips. I don't know what it was specifically that worked, because we'd done that position many times in that exact way — maybe it was being a little mentally loose because we had been drinking, but somehow all the stars aligned — or our bodies did, who knows — and I had the best, most intense orgasm I've ever had either alone or with a partner. Afterwards, I had to stop for a second. I think part of me wanted to imprint that in the long-term memory of my brain and remember it forever.”
Dr. Kate’s Review: When the stars align for just the right kind of magic, it can be difficult to recreate. Ali already named one important factor that could have led to this amazing orgasm: She was able to let go and not be so stuck in her head during sex, allowing herself to really surrender and be present with the pleasure in her body. Next, she was on top, and her partner was “firmly gripping [her] hips,” — there may have been some extra sensation from the pressure of his grip. Proprioceptive sensations like being held firmly can offer a safe contained experience in the body, or may have even elicited a little pain, which can also amplify pleasure for some folks. Most likely the pressure gave her clitoris some extra love, as she was on top of her partner, which could have led to the powerful (and possibly blended) orgasm.
Sarah, 24: “The best orgasm I’ve ever had was surprisingly during anal sex. It was in the doggy style position and I was using a wand vibrator on my clit. I had the craziest orgasm ever! Something about the anal with vibrator combo made magic happen… and that’s the day I learned that I love butt stuff.”
Dr. Kate’s Review: Anal orgasms are more common than you may think: A recent survey found that 42% of women had orgasms during anal sex. Given the high amount of nerve endings in the anus, along with simultaneous clitoral stimulation, it is easy to see why this converted Sarah into loving butt stuff.
Jennifer, 26: “The best orgasm I had with a partner was definitely a bit spicier. I had been experimenting in the world of BDSM for a while, and had a few places I would go to meet like-minded people. At one of these spots, I laid eyes upon the hottest man I had ever seen — big, strong, and oozing with dominant vibes. As I was standing there drooling, I realized there were two of him. That’s right, identical twins. I was pretty sure my eyes were bugging out of my head when one of them noticed me staring. They ended up coming over and starting a conversation. One thing led to another and next thing you know, I’m at their place getting down and dirty. They were both so attentive, giving, and kinky. They listened to my body and actually made me cum multiple times in one night, a feat still left unbeaten.”
Dr. Kate’s Review: Group sex is among the top fantasies for many Americans, and having a kinky threesome — let alone with identical twins — can hit all kinds of erotic bells and whistles, such as taboo, power play, and novelty. Also, when a partner (or in this case two) is attuned to your body, needs, and your sexual pleasure, the feelings of safety and release can offer a powerful surrender. Oh, and not to mention the intensity of being desired by not one, but two partners who you find completely drool-worthy! For some, it may even amplify arousal to imagine two men being in competition with each other for her attention.
Kelly, 29: “I had finally found a vibrator that I really liked and gave me great clitoral orgasms. I found that I was turning to that more and sex with my husband was waning — so I told my husband that in our recent bedroom romp I hadn't orgasmed. The next time we had sex, he insisted on using my vibrator as well, and the best orgasm just sprung up on me unexpectedly. When using it on myself I feel it building and then climax, but with him, it just hit me! It was awesome and we love including the vibe in our normal sex now.”
Dr. Kate’s Review: There are several aspects of Kelly’s experience at play. First, most vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Introducing the vibrator in partnered, penetrative sex can give many a push toward blended and intense orgasms. Besides that, the spontaneity of her husband’s insistence likely added some novelty and surprise to their sex play, increasing arousal in general. Also, she may have perceived his insistence as a consensual overtaking, ravaging, or overpowering, connecting her with a feeling of being helpless in her husband’s desire for her and her pleasure, akin to a consensual non-consent (CNC) style of kink. This kind of kink can involve other kinds of impact play or limit pushing sexual behavior that partners agree upon but gives the feeling of being overwhelmed, which can be very erotic for some folks.
Jane, 25: “The best orgasm I’ve ever had was with my current boyfriend, and I think a big part of it was because of how much I trust him and feel safe. I used my purple wand on a lower setting so that it could build me up and I’d enjoy it longer. He was on top, and I had my hips slightly raised. He had his hand putting firm pressure on my lower abdomen, and we just held each other. It was the strongest and longest orgasm I ever had — I almost blacked out. I had edged myself a few times so the build-up was extreme. My reaction was so big that he finished at the same time I did. It was very intense and intimate, and I loved sharing that moment with someone I love so much.”
Dr. Kate’s Review: What a tender and intense moment of connection! People often think that intensity is born solely out of movement that is fast, hard, or rough. But, in fact, some of the most intense moments between partners can come from sitting with a sensation in a loving — and, sometimes, vulnerable — way. Adding to this sensational pleasure is the elevation of Jane’s hips, and her partner’s pressing down on her abdomen. This can create more pressure and access on Jane’s G-spot, and coupled with the build of edging and the closeness felt between the pair, it is no surprise her orgasm was long and strong. He held space while he held her body, allowing them both to melt into their pleasure.
Alissa, 38: “I remember the best orgasm I ever had very well even though it was 14 years ago. I was 24, in a long-term relationship, and had discovered sex toys for myself. This form of sexuality was completely new to me and I actually didn't even think about taking time for myself to masturbate before. But there was this brand new dildo in front of me and I thought: Why not? The feeling was a little strange at first — I wasn't convinced if I liked it, but curiosity won and I continued. It didn't take that long. I relaxed for a moment and felt a little high all of a sudden. It broke over me like a wave, my whole body contracted, my hands became faster, and I just noticed how I started to shake uncontrollably. Then the pulsating feeling was suddenly over, and I then learned what it means to have a real orgasm.”
Dr. Kate’s Review: So many women experience an orgasm for the first time during solo sex as opposed to with a partner. Some struggle to orgasm with a partner at all but have no problem climaxing on their own. Commonly, women report that they don’t feel any pressure when they’re masturbating: They don’t feel the need to worry about a partner’s perceptions of them, their bodies, or whether their ‘sex face’ is hot. During solo sex, there is only one person to focus on: yourself. This can give people the liberation to relax and be more embodied and engaged in what turns them on. In that state, they entertain fantasies or toys that a partner may not be into, or be free to take their time and explore new possibilities without the distraction of tracking the experience of another person.