We care a lot about orgasms (and pleasure in general) at ASTROGLIDE — that’s why we’ve made it our mission to close the orgasm gap. To be blunt: women shouldn’t have to keep faking it unless they want to.
Our latest survey showed us some surprising truths about just how much women fake orgasm. So we decided to dig a little deeper — why were so many people faking their orgasms, and what could their partners do to help them cross the finish line?
To answer these orgasm questions, we asked 4,342 people (2,391 women and 1,951 men) to honestly answer two very simple questions: what could your partner do to help you reach orgasm? Is there something you wish they knew?
The #OwnYourO survey was anonymous, and as a result the open-ended responses were colorful (see for yourself below!) and candid. Some common trends emerged that help illustrate what men and women want from their sexual partners. Check out what the respondents had to say — you’ll likely get some good insight from the key takeaways that you can apply in your own sex life.
Communication is Critical
Turns out, in many cases, the easiest way to help give your partner incredible orgasms is to start by having a simple conversation about what you both want.
However, it looks like those honest conversations aren’t happening as frequently as they should. A high number of women surveyed responded that they wished their partners would communicate more, were more knowledgeable about their needs, asked what they wanted, or simply connected more on a non-physical level. Only about half as many men responded similarly.
Those communication issues, unfortunately, lead to more faked orgasms.
“75% of women ASTROGLIDE surveyed admitted to having faked an orgasm during intercourse with a partner,” says Dr. Jess O’Reilly, ASTROGLIDE’s resident sexologist. “Through these surveys, we’ve gained some insight as to why women fake orgasms and what their partners can do to bring them more pleasure. Step one is to stop faking it, and start talking about what you need.”
If you do communicate with your partner about sex, you might be surprised at what you hear. People who responded to our survey were frequently candid, and often that translated into wanting a little more experimentation in the bedroom.
Male respondents were almost twice as likely as the females surveyed to identify dirty talk, rough sex, kinky sex, role playing, or experimenting as ways their partner could better help them achieve orgasm.
“I think: ‘Show me what you like’ is an excellent topic in bed.”
“I wish they'd be more willing to try the things I want to try.”
“Be adventurous, change it up, role-play, make things more mentally stimulating. Don't have any inhibitions. Let me know how I can do the same for you.”
“Less routine, more adventure.”
Be Open to Oral
Not surprisingly, oral sex was common on the wish list for both men and women surveyed.
137 mentioned “oral” or “tongue” directly in their responses. Men, not to be outdone, mentioned them 168 times!
While “men and women enjoy oral sex” might not be the most surprising headline, the sheer frequency we saw these terms mentioned in the survey responses implies that folks aren’t communicating their needs with their partners.
Likewise, it’s important to remember that “oral sex” doesn’t mean the same thing to everybody. Not everyone likes the same sensations, and the best way to figure out what your partner wants is to ask them. (More on that in a bit!)
“Go down on me more! When I’m making that noise, don’t stop what you’re doing.”
“I wish I received oral sex even half as often as I perform it for them.”
“Go down on me. Women don’t ask for it as often ‘cause we are shy about it but it’s the best!”
Be Generous & Attentive: Be With Your Partner Mentally, Not Just Physically
Both men and women surveyed commonly cited the cerebral aspect of orgasms. For many of the women who responded to our survey, reaching orgasm isn’t just physical. It starts outside the bedroom and is just as emotional/mental as it is physical.
Men seem to recognize this as a concern, given that a common trend was suggesting their partner “relax,” “stop worrying,” and “enjoy the ride.”
"I orgasm when I have an emotional connection with my partner."
"It’s a mental/emotional thing just as much as it’s physical."
Focus on Your Partner’s Pleasure
Women surveyed frequently pointed to wishing their partner was less self-centered in the bedroom, and more focused on their needs. Interestingly enough, men commonly expressed a desire to better please their partner — this could point to a communication gap (see above).
Women who responded commonly cited a desire for more attentiveness from their partner, while men were more likely to express a desire for their partner to be more engaged.
“Focus on my needs instead of what they think I want.”
“Wish they knew more about my personal sexual likes and dislikes.”
Be Patient: Don’t Rush Things
Is there such a thing as “too much” foreplay? We’re not sure, but we do know that a lot of women reported not getting enough of it.
Many of the women surveyed said their partners could make them reach orgasm with more foreplay, patience, time, persistence or by going slow. By contrast, only a small fraction of men responded similarly.
“Slow down, faster movement doesn’t always mean more pleasure.”
“Slow down and take more time! Attacking my clitoris like a scratch-off ticket is NOT going to make me orgasm. Think a magic lamp or the rim of a wine glass!”
“Take their time! I'm usually not fully turned on if we're rushing into it.”
Know Your Partner’s Anatomy — And Ask About It!
Many of the people who responded to our survey would appreciate their partner being better educated on pleasuring them.
Let’s talk about the clitoris, because our survey revealed that too many people still don’t know where it is (or how to work it). Again, communication is key here — 98 female respondents cited the clitoris specifically!
Men who responded to the survey frequently cited technique — we saw multiple responses to the effect of, “use two hands!”
Again, these are quick fixes with a little communication. Ladies, if your partner can’t find your clitoris, show them where it is, and how you prefer them to touch it! Gentlemen, if you prefer your partner to use two hands — just say so!
You’ll bring yourself (and your partner) more pleasure by being open about what you want. Own your orgasm, and encourage your partner to do the same!
“They should know more about basic female anatomy.”
“I wish men had more proper sexual and anatomical education when they were children.”
No Really — ASK!
Many, many women responded to the question “what could your partner do to help you reach orgasm? Is there something you wish they knew?” with some variation of “ask me!”
There’s a simple lesson to be learned here, no matter what your gender — ask your partner what they want, and then listen to what they say.
Think your technique is great? Awesome — but maybe ask your partner to confirm. And don’t just ask if your technique is great, because you’re likely to get an affirmative response. Instead, be a little more specific: ask if they want you to do anything differently.
A lot of people are just waiting to be asked — instead of waiting for them to be proactive, take the first step yourself and ask them what they want.
After you’ve asked, make sure you listen. A frequent response from women surveyed was a variation of “listen to me” — which is good advice in general.
“Learn each other’s bodies and kinks. Communicate and pay attention.”
“All they have to do is ask and I’ll tell them how to get me there.”
Use More Lube!
One common survey response has a quick fix: use more lube! A significant number of men and women who took our survey responded with some version of “more lube!”
"This makes sense, as studies have shown that increased lubrication can help women experience more pleasure and satisfaction in bed,” says Dr. Angela Jones, a board certified OB GYN and ASTROGLIDE’s Resident Health Advisor. “I see it all the time in my practice — the use of a personal lubricant helps many of my female patients find intercourse more enjoyable and orgasms easier to achieve.”
If you’d like to give lube a try, check out this link for a free sample of one of our formulas.
“That without lube, it sometimes is just irritating.”
“Don’t be offended if I want to add lube to the bedroom. Look at it as fun and exciting.”
“More lube please!”
The Most Common Response
Surprisingly, both men and women had the same #1 response when asked what they wish their partner knew about getting them to orgasm. The top answer to our survey question: NOTHING!
This is great news, as it indicates that a good number of people are happy with their sex lives — and their partner’s ability to help them climax. Several respondents specifically referenced great communication with their partners as the reason they have nothing more to ask of their partner sexually.